The 25 Best Alternative Xmas Songs Ever

Ah, the holidays. Time to break out the gift wrap and bottles of booze while stepping over the cultural landmines buried just beneath the tree’s skirt. For the matching ugly sweater set, it’s the most wonderful time of the year – scored by the omnipresent sounds of mall-centric, religiously tinged sleigh bell rock. For the rest of us, the hyperbolic idealism of these insidious earworms is more like musical coal. Why do we keep unleashing such an unclean source of energy into our holiday’s atmosphere?

Thankfully, musicians are weird. For every Mariah Carey, there is a Holly Golightly. For every Bing Crosby, a Tom Waits. You just have to know where to look. Admittedly, it can be daunting digging through layers of snow and figgy pudding to find holiday gold. So, I have taken it upon myself to guide your musical sleigh. I skipped fist fighting over flat screens at this year’s Black Friday sales event, poured myself a big old glass of drug-laced eggnog, and made you a playlist. For your listening pleasure and holiday sanity, I present you with the 25 best alternative Xmas songs ever. Go forth and add drugs, sex, and rock & roll to the holiday punch bowl!

The Kinks – Father Christmas

Not only does “Father Christmas” sound surprisingly dark and punky coming from British Invasion stalwarts The Kinks, but its tale of a department store Santa Claus mugged by impoverished children nails a social commentary often overlooked during the holiday season. With their final line, “Have yourself a Merry Merry Christmas/have yourself a good time/but remember the kids who got nothing/while you’re drinking down your wine,” The Kinks set the gold standard for Xmas rock that catches your ear to say something worthwhile.

El Vez – Feliz Navidad

Originally a founding member of the San Diego punk band The Zeros, Robert Lopez conceived the El Vez character as a Mexican interpretation of Elvis. More than an impersonation, El Vez is equal parts performance art and social commentary, using the familiar form of The King to talk about Latinx issues. This ethos dovetails perfectly into the Xmas season, and El Vez’s Merry MeX-mas includes tracks such as “Santa Claus is Sometimes Brown” and “Brown Christmas.” But the best of the bunch is his reading of “Feliz Navidad.” El Vez turns the holiday classic into a slice of punk rock perfection. The bass is plodding, the drums crashing, and the guitar winkingly snarls its way through a nostalgia that you never knew could be so cool.

Holly Golightly – Christmas Tree on Fire

Xmas tree fires cause 160 houses to catch flame every year. Let this serve as a reminder: water your tree. Holly Golightly learned the hard way in “Christmas Tree on Fire.” The song starts with her noble fir already ablaze and poor Holly trying to beat back the rising flames with tube socks and a couch cushion. It sounds insane, but you never know how you will react to a life-or-death situation. Making matters worse: she told her out-of-town boyfriend that she had already taken the tree to the curb. That’s going to be one hell of a conversation. Especially since, as Golightly points out, it’s Valentine’s Day. Maybe it will go better if she sings the news in the same ragged country-rockabilly style she employed while describing her predicament. Seriously, go water the tree.

Mack Rice – Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin’

There are tons of classic holiday soul songs, but “Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin’” importantly serves as the adult counterpoint to the kiddie perspectives of classics like “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” Frankly, this song is pure xxx-mas. For some reason, Stax Records’ Christmas in Soulsville has two versions of “Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin,’” so it’s important to note that the Mack Rice version is what you want, hands down. Rice’s bluesy, soulful swagger is sex, while the Albert King version is funky in a goofy way, sounding more like milk and cookies than, you know, milk and cookies.

Harry Nilsson – Listen, The Snow Is Falling

“Listen, The Snow Is Falling” was recorded by Yoko Ono as the B-side to the holiday classic “Happy Xmas (War is Over).” John Lennon’s close friend and partner in crime, Harry Nilsson, would record the track several years later, though it wouldn’t see an official release until 2019’s Losst and Founnd. If not for its lack of exposure, “Listen, The Snow Is Falling” would be a Xmas classic. Though never mentioning the holidays, the contemplative lyrics evoke the intangibly good feelings of sharing the season with loved ones. Adding to its charm is Nilsson’s slightly strained vocal performance. Nilsson’s voice was a beautifully tuned instrument early in his career, but decades of abuse left his vocal cords tattered. The scratchy delivery adds a layer of authenticity to lyrics that reference snowfall upon world metropolises.

Gary Wilson – Santa Claus is Coming to My Lonely Town

Gary Wilson is an outsider musician’s musician. His synthesizer-heavy songs about space and girls were precursors to the bedroom pop and lo-fi movements, and as such he counts Beck, The Residents, and R. Stevie Moore as some of his biggest fans. So, it only makes sense that his Xmas songs are proto new-wave bangers populated by loners, Friday nights, trips to Mars, and a wish for it not to snow. If you put this on at the holiday party, take note of who’s shoulders start moving back and forth. You want to know these people.

Tom Waits – Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis

“Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis” is the saddest Xmas song in history. The character study finds Tom Waits approaching his lyrics as one would a poem – eschewing traditional song structure, the title is our only context for the chorus-less letter that follows. The writer is a recovering addict that has finally gotten her life together. Or so it seems. Lines like “he says that he loves me/even though it’s not his baby” and “I think I’m happy/for the first time since my accident” do carry a tinge of melancholy. But the overwhelming depth of despair which Waits’ imbues his character is not fully realized until her admission that she was lying the entire letter. She is writing to borrow money to pay her lawyer. This masterful lyrical twist shades the previous five verses with new despair. I’m not crying. This eggnog is just spicy.

Courtney Barnett – Boxing Day Blues

In the UK, Canada, and countless countries previously colonized by Great Britain, the day after Xmas is another holiday: Boxing Day. Traditionally celebrated by giving to the less fortunate, Boxing Day has become a modern shopping holiday. So it’s no wonder that Courtney Barnett’s slackerish drawl opens “Boxing Day Blues (Revisited)” singing, “How was your day?/Mine was okay/Worked my fingers down to the bone.” It isn’t long before we get to the issue at hand, which isn’t a retail nightmare but a holiday breakup. Barnett proclaims that she’s “like a Christmas tree on Boxing Day/thrown away,” over the mellow vibrato of her lead guitar. But before we get too comfortable in her misery, she jolts us with a scream, “Why are you so calm?/I wanna shout/I wanna rip my goddamn throat out.” Barnett occupies the intersection where Pavement and Patti Smith meet, and to have her unique sound grace us with a holiday offering feels like a Boxing Day gift itself.

Dent May – I’ll Be Stoned For Christmas

Dent May’s “I’ll Be Stoned For Christmas” is the perfect Xmas stoner anthem. Its washes of psychedelic synthesizer and stabs of tack piano highlight the all too familiar story of those that require a little greenery to get through their holidays back home. We all know the truth: when Xmas ends, the party begins. “I’ll Be Stoned For Christmas” has become my post-dinner, pre-funk go-to jam before the holiday bar hop.

John Prine – Christmas in Prison

There is an indelible hopefulness to John Prine’s “Christmas in Prison,” the thankful type of perspective that comes to even the most down-on-their-luck during the holidays. With lyrics like “The searchlight in the big yard/swings round with the gun/and spotlights the snowflakes/like dust in the sun,” it’s clear that our jailbird is something of a romantic. How else could you explain describing his lover’s heart as the size of the jail that contains him? Some songs focus on a beautifully small thing so singularly that they reveal spectacularly big sentiments. John Prine wrote a lot of songs like that.

The Cleaners From Venus – Christmas in Suburbia

The Cleaners From Venus, the musical alias of Essex-based poet musician Martin Newell, spent the majority of the ‘80s making mail-order, DIY cassette tape releases – their warm, lo-fi buzz trafficking in thrift-store coziness. Since a nostalgic feeling is an essential component of the best Xmas songs, by the time Newell took a crack at penning a holiday tune on Number Thirteen, he had an entire body of work that served as proof of concept. Newell nails his holiday number, “Christmas in Suburbia,” with a rich and clever chord progression driving the unadorned song. Coupled with his reference to Saturnalia, the ancient Roman holiday honoring the god of Saturn, “Christmas in Suburbia” sounds like the wine has gone straight to your head. Time for another bottle.

The Toms – Angela Christmas

Songwriter/producer Tommy Marolda scheduled a demo session with The Smithereens in his New Jersey home studio one weekend in 1979, only to have the band cancel last minute. Marolda decided to put his extra time to use and spent the subsequent three days recording his own material. The weekend yielded thirty songs, with every instrument played by Marolda. Cheekily naming his project The Toms, the future Grammy nominee released twelve of these tracks as a self-titled LP, unwittingly creating a mythical entry in the collection of power-pop aficionados across the globe. “Angela Christmas,” like all of The Toms material, captures the charm of that spontaneity and wears it like a band button on its lapel. A particular stroke of genius was using the surname of Christmas as a lyrical device, evoking feelings in the listener with an economy of language. With an immediate affinity for Angela established, our heads bop along with loving empathy to this classic-era power-pop anthem.

Slade – Merry Xmas Everybody

The UK has a more robust culture of Xmas songs compared with America. Across the pond, topping the charts in December is a big deal and amounts to being declared winner in the annual Xmas song run-off. Slade won this distinction in 1973 with “Merry Xmas Everybody,” and has charted each subsequent December with the track. Citizens have voted the song the best UK Xmas single of all time. We already know Slade feels the noize. If they’re feeling Xmas, too, there is absolutely no way I’m standing in their way. Glam rock and Xmas just go together. Like fruit and cake.

Julian Casablancas – I Wish it Was Christmas Today

Conventional wisdom dictates that your favorite Saturday Night Live ensemble is inevitably the one cast during your high school years. In that case, I am this many years old:

The Strokes’ Julian Casablancas, arguably the biggest name in New York rock roll of his era, covering a quirky Xmas song from NYC sketch-comedy institution SNL is almost too perfect. Both “I Wish It Was Christmas Today” and Casablancas have aged well, innocuously becoming synonymous with New York City in the ‘00s. The nostalgia bomb that drops upon hearing The Strokes-esque treatment of “I Wish It Was Christmas Today” is nothing short of magic. A Xmas miracle.

The Waitresses – Christmas Wrapping

If you’re hip to the fertile soil of ‘80s new-wave one-hit wonders, you’ll recognize The Waitresses as the group behind the cult classic “I Know What Boys Like.” If you’ve ever spent a holiday season working retail, you’re probably more familiar with their song “Christmas Wrapping.” Or, as I remember it, the only song I could tolerate on my stupid co-worker’s holiday playlist. But if this season is truly about people coming together, maybe there’s a lesson to be had from the unifying quality of The Waitresses yuletide jam. The song is centered around a series of missed encounters finally coming to a head while frantically hurrying to buy cranberries on Xmas Eve at the grocery store. Remember, the holidays are a time to relax and enjoy life. Stop and smell the roses, even if only the disturbingly non-fragrant ones at the counter of your local all-night grocer.

Wizzard – I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday

Here we have another British Xmas glam-rock banger, Wizzard’s “I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday.” This song is exquisite, and I wish that could be our focus. But the reality is the music video is the white elephant in the room. What we have here is an LSD-inspired trip to the rockin’ North Pole, complete with saxophones, wizards, a fog machine turned up to eleven, and perhaps most perplexing, a castle. Now, I don’t know much, but I know Saint Nick doesn’t live in a castle. The man eschews the accumulation of wealth – he’s a saint. Just when you think you’ve got a handle on this candy-cane-lane Grateful Dead mind warp, in come the children. Tons of them. Singing background vocals and “playing” tiny versions of saxophones. If you weren’t tripping before, you certainly are now. Here we are witnessing the type of genius that comes when drug abuse and sincerity collide, and I am here for it.

Pretenders – 2000 Miles

Perhaps the most popular entry on this list, “2000 Miles” is nonetheless a timeless alternative holiday classic. This tale of Xmas longing serves as a masterclass in balladry, its deft performances belying the track’s rock and roll roots in drugs and death. Pretenders lead singer Chrissie Hynde wrote the song in remembrance of James Honeyman-Scott, the original guitarist of the Pretenders, who died of cocaine abuse the year prior. Poignant but to the point, when Hynde sings, “I’ll think of you/Wherever you go,” it’s enough to bring tears to the coal eyes of a snowman.

T. Rex – Christmas Bop

Marc Bolan’s shelved 1975 recording of “Christmas Bop” proves that T. Rex phoning it in is still 99% better than anything anyone has ever done. This song is about… Xmas? Yes. And since it’s Christmas, everyone is doing the Christmas Bop. The end. Perhaps the Christmas Bop was slang for Bolan and company taking a break from recording to do some booger sugar? Regardless, the wildly soulful background vocals capture some of the raw energy of T. Rex’s live performance. Plus, we get to hear Marc Bolan sing about space shoes. Five stars.

Ramones – Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight)

In boy band parlance, Joey Ramone is “the romantic one.” His love of girl groups, Archie comics, and heart on his sleeve sentimentality always kept Dee Dee’s snarl and Johnny’s buzzing guitars in check. It’s the glue that made the Ramones last longer than their contemporaries. Even while they cut songs as depraved as “53rd and 3rd,” Joey gave the band an air of approachability. “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight)” is the perfect distillation of this balance in action. Joey sings of sugar plum fairies, snowball fights, and Santa’s reindeer before pleading with his girl, “Christmas ain’t the time for breaking each other’s heart.” All the while, the Ramones were falling apart. Dee Dee had one foot out the door and didn’t even play on the record. Johnny was miserable and hated the techniques used during the recording session. And Marky had only finally come back into the fold after spending the last half of the ‘80s getting clean. It makes sense that with this as his backdrop, Joey would pen his appeal for a peaceful holiday. Sounding more akin to their work with Phil Specter on End of the Century than a late-era entry into their catalog, “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight)” is as vibrant and nostalgic as their best work.

The Yobs – Another Christmas

English punks The Boys celebrated every holiday season in the late seventies by releasing a Xmas single as their alter ego, The Yobs. See what they did there? By the time 1980 rolled around, they had a fully-fledged Xmas album on their hands. The best of their Xmas anthems, “Another Christmas,” is a bratty rejection of the holiday, with descending power chords muddying up all the traditional bells and whistles. Though the group didn’t survive into the decade, their snotty punk rock holiday songs have remained the highwater mark for the Santas among us that prefer leather jackets over red ones.

The Rondelles – Angels We’ve Heard On High

The Rondelles put their riot grrrl fingerprints all over the French-folk song turned Xmas hymnal “Angels We Have Heard On High.” I’m usually not the type to go for the overtly religious Xmas songs, by now you’ve probably noticed I like the ones with drugs and bad guys. But The Rondelles’ exuberance and punk ethos transform this song into the wildcard response to your aunt telling you, “Play something we all know!” The jagged guitar stabs stunt the song’s comically long vocal run, not only making it considerably more fun to sing along to but helping to pluck it from Sunday morning and place it firmly into Saturday night. Better yet, let’s keep this version in church and see if a few brave souls are willing to stage dive, only to look back one day and realize that the single set of footsteps in the church carpet were Christ’s, and it was he that had crowd surfed them all along.

Weezer – The Christmas Song

What more could I say than this?

Maybe you love them. Maybe you hate them. But I caught Weezer this summer on the Super Hella Mega Tour, and while watching Rivers Cuomo shred in a leather jacket and mullet to thousands of fans in a baseball stadium I realized: it’s Weezer’s world. We’re just living in it.

The Sonics – Don’t Believe in Christmas

Of course, The Sonics took an anti-Xmas stance with their holiday rocker, “Don’t Believe in Christmas.” As proto-proto-punk pioneers, it would be weirder if they hadn’t. It’s the only possible position a band can take when they have songs about drinking poison. Considering the methodology of this list (oh, you didn’t know you were reading data-driven, fact-based analysis?), there is an argument to be made for this being the first alternative Xmas song ever. That would make for a fun post-Xmas-dinner bar discussion, though that’s most likely when you find out one of your friends loves history podcasts. Then you’re stuck listening to them paraphrase some episode about the Christians’ persecution by the Romans and how, in a sense, Xmas songs represent an alternative to pre-existing Pagan rituals and blah blah blah. But it doesn’t matter how many times this guy listens to comedians read from Wikipedia pages, he is wrong. Trust the science.

Big Star – Jesus Christ

I might not believe in Jesus Christ, but I believe in Alex Chilton. On Big Star’s “Jesus Christ,” Chilton channels the spirit of joy that comes with the birth of a savior and funnels it into two minutes of power-pop perfection. You’d be hardpressed to find a Scrooge in the room when the chorus kicks in with sleigh bells, Chilton exclaiming, “Jesus Christ was born today/Jesus Chris was born.” With the help of Memphis legend Jim Dickinson, the song highlights the best impulses of Memphis power-pop with horns, slide guitar, and background vocals highlighting the jubilant birthday bash. Chilton’s final call to the band before the outro, “we’re gonna get born now” is fitting for an artist that would spend the next several decades removed from his influential but commercially unsuccessful work with Big Star. Chilton would work the rest of his life to explore the nooks and crannies of the American songbook while performing everything from jazz, blues, country, and punk. Amen.

The Pogues w/ Kirsty MacColl – Fairytale of New York

The Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York” is a swaggering Xmas tale of dreams, drunks, and the down on their luck. The disparate singing styles of Shane McGowan and Kirsty MacColl – his rotten toothed growl and her Irish lilt – are miles apart on the vocal spectrum but well suited for the story. This added depth of color serves their idyllic dreams of New York City as the land with rivers of gold and Broadway. Only too late do they realize their beautiful future is a thing of the past. Though they curse at each other and their fate, we find their love for one another might just have been what buoyed their dreams all along. McGowan brings it all together when he admits, “Can’t make it all alone/I built my dreams around you,” as the harp swells and lifts us to the final chorus. I’m not crying. You’re crying. 

There you have it, the hands-down 25 best alternative Xmas song ever. These songs capture the spirit of hope that permeates the season, even when that hope seems to fly in the face of our humanity. The lucky ones have each other. And the rest fondly remember someone. Don’t forget to water your tree. Happy Xmas.